I no longer know why I'm working so much and still don't know why I haven't quit one of my jobs or even if I want to. I've continuously came up with excuse for both keepin and quitting a job or two of mine. I am so over havin these self battles and I'm starting to feel like Im loosing knowledge of who I am and what I want or maybe my motives or changing... Or am I starting to want to be lazy or careless? Am I money hungry prideful and too in love with myself or am I kind and giving and hard working and am not caring enough about myself. A year ago I told myself I was going to become a workaholic and I've more than reached success with that goal. I'm able to do it all I'm able to work everyday and nigh if needed too and still hang out with friend ls and go out and occasionally date on top of school. Pretty bad ass for a 22 year old but I don't know how long I can continuously force myself to challenge myself. I feel like I keep challenging myself to see if I can stand at the end of the day...I've forced myself so much that sometimes there is no endto my day. What am I missing.. What else do I want.. I'm starting to get angry at my current state and I'm too old and have been through too much and know myself too well to be as lost as I am right now. And I know what my friends and what some people think I should do...I just am not convinced that it's the right thing to do. I feel like a prisoner to myself.
~Blogged from my cell Domino^Antoine
I know exactly how you feel, I was in the same place as you are now, and I'm in the same place 10 years later.
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