Brotherly

Last night I got a random call from my brother and I hardley ever hear from him so I invited him over to meet my roomies. It was really good to see him especially to clear up all the rumors I've been hearing. Turns out he is having a baby (if it turns out to be his) sometime in July. He's not getting married but he does have another court date coming up.
It's always really hard for me to see him then leave him or see him leave just because I feel like I can see in his face that he does want better for himself but I feel like he feels stuck.
The thing is he knows that he has family that's willing to help him but I feel like his pride is getting in the way from him reaching out for it. I love the kid to death and don't know how we both have taken such different paths in life. I understand we are completely different people but in the end all we want is the same thing...to be happy. Maybe our meaning of happy is different?
I just wish I didn't have to see him struggle like this...I once upon a time helped and played a part in raising the little shit and he'll always be my brother. I want the best for him I just have to realize that there's only so much I could do and the rest is up to him.

~Blogged from my cell Domino^Antoine

Location:Taraval St,San Francisco,United States

Forcely Found

I no longer know why I'm working so much and still don't know why I haven't quit one of my jobs or even if I want to. I've continuously came up with excuse for both keepin and quitting a job or two of mine. I am so over havin these self battles and I'm starting to feel like Im loosing knowledge of who I am and what I want or maybe my motives or changing... Or am I starting to want to be lazy or careless? Am I money hungry prideful and too in love with myself or am I kind and giving and hard working and am not caring enough about myself. A year ago I told myself I was going to become a workaholic and I've more than reached success with that goal. I'm able to do it all I'm able to work everyday and nigh if needed too and still hang out with friend ls and go out and occasionally date on top of school. Pretty bad ass for a 22 year old but I don't know how long I can continuously force myself to challenge myself. I feel like I keep challenging myself to see if I can stand at the end of the day...I've forced myself so much that sometimes there is no endto my day. What am I missing.. What else do I want.. I'm starting to get angry at my current state and I'm too old and have been through too much and know myself too well to be as lost as I am right now. And I know what my friends and what some people think I should do...I just am not convinced that it's the right thing to do. I feel like a prisoner to myself.


~Blogged from my cell Domino^Antoine

Location:Castro St,San Francisco,United States

After A Sunday Off

I know it's been a minute since I last posted anything but let me tell you the month of February has been crazy and ridiculously busy. I'm acctually kind of surprised the month is over though.
This passed weekend I went to the Chinese New year parade... I haven't been to a Chinese New Year parade in ages so it reminded of me of when I was a kid when I went.

I've definitely evolved a bit in February. I look a little different with my short spikey sharp edged relaxed hair now haha although because I work so much you'll probably see me in my usual an unupdated work clothing...hopefully that'll change by the end of this week but we'll see it's my week for bills...ugh! I think instead of waiting to save up for a laptop I might just try to get a loan but I need to hurry since I need a new laptop by the begining of next semester...let's cross our fingers.

~Blogged from my cell Domino^Antoine

Location:15th Ave,San Francisco,United States