The New Job...

My new job is fabulous! I love it...my job is right next to a Chipotle....AND who new there was that many gay men in Passporting...and some...not so bad ;)

The only down side to this job, besides any free time of course, is that about 75% of my coworkers calls me Anton instead of Antoine. It doesn't bother me too too much though. I was invited to a holiday party for the company and I feel like I should go, except I was planning on throwing my own holiday party and it was suppose to be set for the same day. Urg. Decisions decisions...what should I do?

Besides work, I have until Monday to have a rough cut shot and edited for my editing class and I wont have my hands on a camera until tomorrow night....urg....well...when it's all done I'm excited to show everyone, I decided I'm going to TRY to do a fake movie trailer of my life.

Busy busy busy.

Doubt...

So I have a lot of things on my plate. I understand a lot of people wouldn't do what I'm doing...meaning the 3 jobs I have the internship and going to school full time. A lot of people have told me that I'm going to burn myself out or get old fast and that I'm not going to last too long.

At first I would let it roll off my shoulder because I remember a time hearing that my father didn't believe I'd make it past my first year of college. I guess I expected a little more from some of my friends but I guess I'd rather them speak their minds than be fake. At the same time I'd want support in what I'm doing not just negative feedback.

And lately my mind has been elsewhere. And I wish it would stop wondering to that same thought....ever had a thought or something or even someone on your mind you just would like to stop thinking about. My wandering mind has been getting on my last nerve...I'm going to go shower and maybe have a little walk downtown.

Falling Into Place

Stanley Associates FINALLY gave me start date...I'll be starting with them a week from today...and no I will not be getting rid of any of my jobs, I'll simply just be adding it onto my schedule. I really just need one of my coworkers to switch their graveyard shift with my morning shift and all will be perfect!

Other than that an old friend of mine, CJ, possibly might be moving back to the city depending on whether or not he gets this job he interviewed for or not. I'll touch more on that subject when we find out more info, but I do want to talk to him about that a little more.

Not too long ago I told a little about mister man from Canada that I was staying in contact with. I was really into him but realistically he's really far, even if he is willing to come and see me for Christmas and New Years it'll never be anything substantial. Lately I've been so busy I almost forget what my house looks like, I've hardly been home. I swear I'm paying for a storage and not rent. I've been so busy with work and hanging out with Vi a lot. Urg...speaking of busy, I must have lost track of time, forgot I have to get to class!!!

The Best I Can Be Right Now

SO...thought it would be nice to let the world know I start my money making job finally at the end of this month! I'm really excited...no more broke hoe. I was really down about a few things but I've realized that I'm the best I can be right now. For someone who can work 3 jobs and have an internship plus go to school full-time, I think is quite commendable and I'm very proud of myself. I can't help but just feel like school is taking too long to get over with but I'm sure everyone feels that way about school.

Soon financially I'll be where I want to be, as far as where I live I think I really would like to move to the a better neighborhood. The excelsior isn't a bad neighborhood but it's not the Castro and I'm sure I'd still get looks if I were to be caught holding hands with a love interest of mine or what have you. So I'm thinking near Valencia and 16th or of course the Castro or near Delores, or maybe somewhere kinda close to downtown.

As far as my love life, I'm so over being this victim of "love" or what could be perfect. I've dated and considered a few guys keeping in my life in these past 5 months I've been single but I don't think I was ever really over Marcus. And I went things about it the wrong way, instead of going out more often I just kept myself busy and worked worked worked, and went out every once in a while, maybe i should've switched it a little. Tried some places new to go out or something. Either way I think I'm at that crossroad where I know that no one wants a broken heart, and I would have rather not met him so I would have never felt like this, but I accept it and I'm continuing with my life. I finally realized there was nothing else I could've done, and I deserve to be happy so why not find someone who'll make me happy and I can make them happy. I'm the best I can be right now and if it's not enough then it's best to pass me by so we both can continue with our lives, and that's exactly what's happening...and I'm completely fine with that....at least now I am.

Rest In The Morning

This morning I actually did not have work, although I do have a study group later and then class right after...and then....Kareoke night! Now I don't sing Kareoke but I sure do love having a little something to drink and laugh and sing along with everyone else who does it. So me and a big group of friends will be at The Mint tonight....It'll be Me, Vi, Thao, Diana, Frank, Jenn, Bella, Brian, Peter, Grace, and possibly nicole, kay ann, and Valentina. I'm so excited!
Although the next day I have to bust out a paper and finish the transfer application and the application for my actual certificate not to mention a little more research on different schools for my internship ish.

Lately I've had a little time to think, and I keep thinking about my current past. I'm not as hurt anymore but I'm starting to feel like maybe I haven't gotten rid of those feelings yet. What in the hell do I have to do to get that perfect person off of my mind.

I've been off work for 6 hours which means I'm not getting paid at the moment

Ever get that feeling, "shit, what am I doing home? this means I'm not getting paid right now!" Although I have been beyond busy lately, I still have a little extra time on my hands now that my schedule is somewhat in its grove....although the final job has yet to start and I'm hoping will start within the next week or so.

Then again I know for a month my face will be missing from the planet eart and work work working until I get the flow of things again....then soon after I'll look to add on to my plate to see how well I can manage. What's getting to me is, I planned on keeping myself this busy to get my mind off of things and to move on from things so I wouldn't have time to think about them, and it somewhat worked but now that I have actually been able to go home for more than 6 hours I've been having time to think about everything again.

If life was easy and I could choose how everything was suppose to play out...everything would be fine, fabulous and, fantastic...but I guess thats what makes life worth living?

The Days in Drag

I went in drag for halloween this year and I had a great time...however...I'm tired of make up and wigs and making sure "my hair" is okay every few minutes. It's hard when you're in drag because the rules aren't the same as far as flirting goes. If someone flirts with you, you want to make sure they know you're not a girl so you're both not dissapointed...and even then you have to think okay if he thinks I'm cute as a girl and is into this, is he going to think I'm cute as a boy and am I even into this?
I have friends that do drag all the time, Me, my sister Vi, and my homegirl co-worker Reggie decided all three of us are going to go to Diva's (this tranny club) possibly next week, and Vi was talking about having a drag party. I'm excited...
Life has yet to slow down for me however, everythings been constantly moving so fast I'm starting to spin...I'm always tired and really....really...need a drink!